efangelist

putting the FAN in evangelism – spreading your messages by daring to share what you are a FAN of

News #Writing Tip – be careful with your “timing” words.

efangelist

cool clock

I just heard this on a major TV news bulletin.

Can you see what’s wrong with it?

Brisbane residents could be using a zip line to get from Kangaroo Point to the CBD within five years.

That’s right –  it sounds as if  the residents will get to the CBD within 5 years. A bloody slow zip line!

The problem is:  the words within five years are “misplaced”. You need to put those words close to words they are meant to modify.

This wording is more precise:

Within five years Brisbane residents could be using a zip line to get from Kangaroo Point to the CBD.

I understand that to hook the attention of viewers, the writer would want to start a sentence with Brisbane residents.

In that case – save the within five years words for a separate sentence.

TB headline technique

When I train writers at news organisations how to…

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This entry was posted on September 7, 2014 by in Uncategorized.
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